Last week, I was struggling with the self-doubt demon, the nerves and the stage fright shakes. I was about to take the leap and get behind that microphone and finally read my writings aloud at an open-mic night in Dublin. Believe it or not, I managed to get my shit together, was all ready to go and very excited!
As I applied my make-up, (or should I say my sister’s make-up as at twenty-seven, I’m still terrible at the whole beauty regime thing!) she asked me where the event was on so I went to double check my email so I could find it on google maps. New mail….event cancelled. Due to problem with venue.
The organiser was lovely though and I will be attending the next one at the end of April. The frustration was killing me and I found myself pretty down in the dumps over it. I think I just really needed that high that would of come from pushing myself out of my comfort zone. BUT, it will come! If there’s anyone whose good at the waiting game it’s me! I’ve waited so long already, I can not let four itzy bitzy weeks get the better of me and in the mean time I’m going to take comfort in this, my blog. I can still share what I was going to read at the gig and on the plus side you guys don’t have to witness my shaking hands and weird nervous voice change! Everybody wins!
So here it is. It’s short and sweet and remains posted to my wall to lift me up when I get myself down:
I might be scared but, it’s okay to be scared. It just means I’m about to do something really brave. And though I might be foolish and weak sometimes, I have been brave. Time and time again, I have been hurled into the seemingly impossible, only to find that my feet are still firmly planted on the ground. Even though things might not turn out as I thought, they are never again what I knew them to be. Yes, I am a terrified little girl whose voice trembles and whose eyes weep with wonder but, I am so brave. I will step into uncertainty trembling but, true. And my tears will cloak me in a liquid armour that will bend to my needs as I adapt to the inevitability of change.